i loved him so, but i let him go...

today i went running, and i went to the ocean and stopped and took a walk on the beach. i came to this really flat, perfect piece of sand out of the blue. It was so much like a blank canvas that i felt it was meant to be that i write on it, and there was even a single rock in the sand that i found right when i wondered what i would write with.

First I wrote: "I loved you, but now it's over. let the waves wash it away and make something new." and then I kept walking and wrote our initials in the sand and wrote "let it go." And then I stepped back and thought about it, and thought about how we'll always have the memories that we want to hold onto, but sometimes we just have to let it go. I crossed out my long thought so nobody else would read it, and i walked away and let the ocean swallow up my sadness.

It's still a little melancholy, but I felt better writing out the things I never got to say in the sand. For such a short time with him, it's almost silly that I find so much melancholy happiness in our memories. Mostly the ones where his arms wrap around me, or we're laughing at each other or we stare into each others eyes until we have to kiss. Losing that sucks. It still takes time but I know it will all get better eventually, even if it's hard to believe.