what i've learned

I was having a conversation with a friend..and we were talking about things that we learned from past relationships. I think I realized these are the things I've truly learned.

1) Don't be afraid to ask for what you deserve. Too many times, I have given of myself and not gotten back what I should have. Many of my regrets stem from not holding back enough when I wasn't down for something, and in not standing up for myself when I wasn't happy.

2) Know when it's over..this is huge. When something lasts too long, and you know it isn't right, that is a big mistake. If you aren't getting what you deserve, if you aren't happy, or if it just isn't there, don't wait around because you're afraid to hurt someone or because you're afraid of what's on the other side. You know in your heart what's right, so you need to get it done. Pain is inevitable, but staying in a failing relationship is worse.

3) There are people out there that will say what you want to hear, and nothing more. Everyone is warned about it, but until you experience it you'll have to learn the lesson for yourself. I have now, and I know now that just because someone says they love you and they want to be with you forever, doesn't mean that they will. Don't be blinded by words...because that's all they are. Deep down, you'll know when someone means it.

4) Don't move too fast. Enjoy every moment. The meeting, the flirting, the moment right before you lean in for that first kiss, the holding back, the giving in...don't rush for the big bang, don't rush to "go steady," don't rush to get serious. It's the little moments that you can't get back once you blow past them. Inevitably it seems like the "love" that blooms the fastest also ends the fastest...I've learned you should take your time, although sometimes it's much easier said than done.

5) BIGGEST OF ALL...your intuition tells you what you need to know. When I look back now, I feel that in my heart I knew exactly what was going to happen in each relationship. My gut told me i had to break up, but i put it off for 6 months and now regret it. Deep down, I knew that another one was a player, but I ignored it. In another relationship, I knew all along he wasn't ready to be exclusive, but my heart won out and then i got hurt when it ended too quickly. Overall, i think it is true that you "just know" when something is right, and sometimes we want something to be right sooo badly, but it just ISN'T. All I can say is listen to your heart, and don't try to talk over it and ignore it...because it really, truly knows. I have to keep reminding myself of that still today.

These aren't perfect thoughts, and I'm sure I'll still make plenty of mistakes. I'm sure there's more to learn and more to remember. But this is the start of my journey..every heartache and every mistake makes you a little stronger and a little more wise.